im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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