i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
