Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
