my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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