it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
