my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Even my vagina gasped.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
