im six kinds of drunk right now
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
You ruined the universe
Randomize
