the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
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You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
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