I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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