Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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