Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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