I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
