Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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