Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
