She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
