I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize