PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
