i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
