I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
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