As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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