It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
