i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
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I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
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I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
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