if you like me you must not know who I am
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
