For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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