May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
