i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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