There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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