So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
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