im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
