remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize