I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
