She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
