So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
