is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize