her vagine was all disorganized.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
