Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
