I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
