i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
