Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
