I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
