I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
