Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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