I accidentally had phone sex last night
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
