Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
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She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
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I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
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