I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
