Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
