you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
