Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
