I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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