I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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