Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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