All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
