we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
