He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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