she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
