I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
