even my farts smell like vagina
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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