it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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