Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just gift wrapped bread.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
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