party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Come see our sink grown plant.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
