My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
NoShamevember. You game?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
