we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
