am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im about as happy as oj after his trial
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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